I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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