So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
