Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
