As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
