I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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