The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
