taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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