she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
