are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
