the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
