my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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