this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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