its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
