i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
