So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
