i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think your dad took our porno
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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