okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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