overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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