it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
