the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
