Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
