i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
