Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
