I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
