4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
