are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
