there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
