I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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