The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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