You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
