also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
