Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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