Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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