The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
