I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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