i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
