I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
