He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How naked do you want me to be?
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