Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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