i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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