She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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