Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
