I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
