Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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