I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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