drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
