why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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