Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
