the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
