i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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