My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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