Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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