I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
