y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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